Pretty much like clockwork…Somewhere between the first plot point and the midpoint, I start to think whatever story I’m working on sucks.
Given my writing style and pace, that’s usually well past the 25,000 word mark – too far down the rabbit hole to feel real good about chucking the whole thing, but not so far down it that I don’t at least entertain the idea.
And it’s usually the same old doubts: This idea sucks. These characters aren’t working. I’ve got too many balls in the air. How the hell do I ever get this under control? Knowing when those doubts are legitimate, and when they’re just little imps working overtime, has been one of my harder challenges. I constantly review myself, and while building and then repairing that “plane” – my book – in midair, I find it pretty easy to find all its flaws. The way I now deal with it? I ignore all the voices, all those imps trying to undo my efforts, and just keep flying.
Letting my own doubts and negative reviews overwhelm me was a huge stumbling block in my early writing career. I would get to that certain point in a book and then hop on a hamster wheel of doubt, turning that sucker again and again, working over the same pages, never making any more forward progress. It was like rebuilding the plane’s door, maybe a really nice and frankly, pretty important door, but never finishing the plane.
Everyone’s process is different, but I know for me I just have to get that damn plane built. It may have too many seats or not enough windows or need a new coat of paint, but I can’t see all of that until I have it done. In many ways, my doubts are legitimate: parts of the book, maybe even big parts, do suck, but that’s okay: getting to the end is the thing. For me, it’s really the most important thing. All the necessary rebuilding and remodeling can be done later; once the plane is safe on the ground.
There are some who argue it’s a colossal waste of time to pour effort into something that’s not working. I’m not objective enough of my own writing to make that determination, and I’m just stubborn enough to have faith in whatever original idea compelled me to start any given book. Besides, there is no wasted time – all writing is good, and all of it makes me a better writer. Even a DOA book is a book…a finished, completed work, and there may just be something in that work that’s worth salvaging later – like a very sturdy passenger door, or a really nice set of wings.
I know enough about me (because I have lots of drawers of books that ended up devoured by the imps) to understand that doubt is okay, but paralysis isn’t. I need to keep putting those words together, one at a time, and never really pause to look down.
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