I’m close to wrapping up revisions to A SHARPER DARK… (although the title may change). I’ll be handing over the revised-revised-revised final draft to my agent probably next week. Without a doubt, I feel all of her input and the additional two months of work have made the book stronger. Strong enough to go on submission? I guess we’ll see.
Never having gone through this process before, I’m constantly asking myself how I feel about it. Although that period while I’m waiting to see if my book is picked up will be nerve-wracking, I’m not (at the moment) as apprehensive as I imagined I might be. I know that I’m happy with the book – very happy, and whether it ever sells or not will always be incidental to the joy I got out of writing and revising it.
I’m fortunate, I guess – I’m not going to pretend that I’m a “starving artist”. I didn’t quit a job or sell my home or live off of credit cards or anything like that to focus on or pursue my writing; I didn’t sacrifice or risk in that way, although I definitely admire and respect those who either have to, or choose to do so. I sacrificed my free time (okay, a lot of free time), and I risked my fragile ego – writing is exposure: it can be a humbling experience, and necessitates a thick skin.
Do some days I wish I was sequestered off in cabin by the lake, honing my craft? Absolutely. I’ve just never felt I had that luxury – my family probably doesn’t feel I have that luxury. I don’t think that means I take my writing any less serious, it just means I have other serious obligations that I also have to attend to: obligations that includes braces and college and clothes. These are all the products of choices I’ve made and choices that I’m happy with, just like I’m happy that I’ve also found the way to balance those obligations with my passion.
So, whether this book sells, or the next one, or none of them, I’m okay. I’ll keep working, striving, trying to get better; telling stories that interest me. Writing is my luxury (a very needy and demanding one, however) and I can and will enjoy it whether I’m commercially successful or not.
Don’t get me wrong, I still really, really want this sucker to sell, but I don’t need it to, to be successful – I just need to keep on writing.
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